First impressions may not count WITH AUGUSTINE PANG Nov 10, 1998 THE elderly cleaning woman offered the hotel guest a towel. "Watch the floor. It's still wet," the cleaner said gently. "I just cleaned it and I don't want you to slip." The hotel guest smiled and said: "I will, thank you." That small gesture of appreciation caught the cleaner by surprise. "No problem," she said. "Not many guests say thank you these days. "Many think that when cleaners like me offer help, we are looking for tips. But I'm helpful because I'm doing my job." Sensing that my wife had a ready ear, the cleaner went on to explain why she's still working, even though her three grown-up children have told her not to. "Each of them has a room for me at their homes. But working keeps me active," she said. When the wife recounted how her first impression of the cleaner - someone from a lower-income group, who has to earn her keep because her children do not support her - differed vastly from the actual version, it set me thinking. Most of us are prone to form first impressions of people. Why? First, it's symptomatic of our fast-paced society. We don't have the time to find out more. Second, it signals to us immediately who is worth knowing and who isn't. Networking, they call it. Third, it reflects on our ability to "read" people. Often, our first impressions circle around the stereotypes we have come to associate with. My experience is that Singaporeans are terribly good at forming first impressions - by the seemingly "common" questions we ask. Consider a typical exchange between two strangers: John: So, where do you live? Terry: Siglap. John: Is it far from your office? Terry: Oh, if I take the ECP and exit at Rochor, it takes me about 20 minutes to Colombo Court. John: Hmmm, Colombo Court. There are a lot of law firms there, right? Terry: Yup. I work for one of them. Three seemingly "common" questions, and John can form an impression of Terry: He belongs to the upper-middle class (because he lives in Siglap, an upper-middle class district); he is reasonably well off (because he drives); he is probably a lawyer (because he works in Colombo Court). The point is not whether we should cease forming first impressions. The challenge is to peel off the crust and look beyond what the person represents. The person as he or she is. The few times that I discarded my first impressions led to great discoveries. For one, a tomboy, whom I never imagined myself getting close to, has turned out to be a great pal. On the other hand, the few times I relied on my first impressions turned out to be great flops. Story-tellers are not exactly the most trustworthy of people. There you have it. When one digs deeper, chances are that one may find a gem - or unearth a scoundrel.